Speedo Boys – Chapter 02
Chapter 2 — Building A Friendship
From Last Time:
He was looking kind of like he was struggling with asking me. I just sat and let him figure out exactly what he wanted to say, even though I had a pretty good idea of what it was.
“Well, Um, you see, Are you… and it really don’t matter if you are or not, but… are you… Gay?”
I smiled having my suspicions of what he was going to ask confirmed. I looked at him, and smiled a warm smile and said, “Well, I really don’t keep it a secret but, yes, I am, why do you ask?”
He looked very nervous at this point, and I decided to let him say whatever he wanted, even if it was nothing.
A moment later he blushed a deep purple, stood and said, “Um… Look, I really gotta run, but can I come back and talk some more sometime?”
“Sure, anytime you like. I’m here most every afternoon.”
With that he smiled, waved, and walked, albeit at a fast pace, down the stairs, down the strand, and out of sight. I seriously doubted I’d be seeing any of them again. Or would I? I guess time will tell.
* * *
I didn’t see Devon or any of the others for a few weeks. Either they were busy elsewhere or, I hoped it wasn’t that they were deliberately avoiding seeing me. I don’t know why I longed to talk to them. In my adult life, I have never been attracted to anyone as young as these boys, and I’m not even sure I’m sexually attracted to them. True, they’re easy on the eyes, but, still, they’re 13.
I know what you’re thinking. 13 or 30, if someone is gay, they’re gay, and they know what they want. I’m not meaning to pass judgment on anyone, but, let’s just say, it’s not in my agenda. Honestly, I’m thinking I would like to just be someone they can feel comfortable talking with. You know, how many gay kids kill themselves every year just because they have nobody to talk to? If I can help even one kid not go down that road, I’ll be happy.
Back to reality, sorry for my diatribe. I was sitting on the deck when I was startled by a quiet voice asking if I were busy. I spun arouv nd, faster than I thought making myself a little dizzy, and saw Devon standing there, not clad in his speedo, but a pair of cutoff jeans and a polo shirt.
“No, Devon, I’m not busy, it’s against my religion!”, I chuckled.
This comment got a laugh from Devon, who, without asking (knowing it would be OK) sat in the deck chair next to me. He was quiet for some time and I got up and brought him (and myself) a soda. He smiled when he took it, opened it and took a long drink. as if he were trying to delay talking.
You know, I actually thought I could see him relaxing. The tenseness in his face almost evaporated instantly. Finally he turned to me and started talking.
“I wanna apologize for the question I asked you last time, I didn’t mean to pry, but I just hadda know.”
“I am one of the hardest people to offend, Devon, and as I told you, it’s no secret. But, you never answered my follow up to your question, why do you ask?”
I could tell he’d been building up the courage to talk to me about something and his resolve looked as if it was going to break.
“Devon, is this something you are uncomfortable talking about outdoors where someone else may hear you? If it is, I can enclose the deck. I have an automatic system that puts an awning overhead and slides a clear plastic screen around the deck, it’s public enough that you can been seen but private enough that you can’t be heard.”
He nodded and I reached for my remote. Before I pushed the button, I handed him the remote and told him to push the ‘enclose’ button, then the A/C button. He took the remote and pushed the appropriate buttons. He said “Whoa” when the mechanics took over and in a matter of a few seconds the deck was enclosed and the Air Conditioning came on to make sure we didn’t roast.
“So, my young Padawan, I’m all ears.” I quipped in my best Obiwan Kanobi voice. This reference made him smile.
“Um, ” he stammered, “I asked you what I did cuz I wanted to ask another couplea questions if it’s ok.”
“Um, do you like being gay?”
“Well, Devon, it’s who I am, and I like who I am, so I guess you can say I like being gay.” After I replied, he nodded and continued…
“Well, um, when did you know you were?”
“When did I know I was gay? Well, I guess I was about your age. I had this friend, a neighbor really, and we grew up together. We were inseparable. When we got to be about 13 and things started changing in our bodies, we were open enough to talk to each other. After a time, we started jerking off together. Seeing his dick turned me on big time, and seeing it hard had even more of an effect on me. But when he came it send me over the edge. Eventually, I got an urge and I went for it. I gave him a blow job. I loved it. He hated it. I got a black eye and lost a good friend, but I knew at that moment that I liked dick.”
He looked at me and his jaw was almost literally on the deck. I guess he hadn’t expected me to be so candid, so I decided to go for broke, I think I knew where he was headed.
“Devon, I need to say one thing first. I want to be someone you can talk to. I will listen, I will never judge you. I will give you advice, but it’s up to you if you want to take it. And, I will never lie to you. All I ask is that you do the same.”
“Devon, you can choose to answer this question or not. But if I’m reading you right, you’re asking this ’cause you think you may be gay, am I right?”
He looked at me like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights at night. I left him to think without saying anything. After a few minutes he looked at me and appeared like he was going to burst out in tears.
“You don’t have to answer, Devon. I’m cool with you either way. Just know that I’m here to talk to if you ever want to.”
“No!”, he said a little more forcefully than I think he intended, “I mean, No, I don’t want to not answer. It’s just difficult to finally say it to another person, but yes, I think I’m gay.”
I smiled and was silent for a moment to see if he wanted to say more, and he did.
“That’s what’s so hard, ” he blushed deeply at that double meaning, “um, difficult to deal with. I never had any thoughts like that until that first day I saw you looking at me. Over the last few weeks, it’s been flooding into my head non-stop. When I think about that first day I get a feeling that is really weird. I LIKED IT.”
“Devon, it’s flattering for anyone to be looked at. You are a good looking young man. But liking when someone looks at you doesn’t mean you’re gay.”
“Well, that’s not all of it. I’m embarrassed to say this but I’ve sorta been spying on you a little bit. I’ve been watching you since the last time I was here, but you never saw me. I’m sorry for not respecting your privacy, but I felt like I hadda see you. I took your picture one day and it’s, um…” He trailed off.
“First off, I’m sitting out in public. So, you weren’t really invading my privacy. Second, I’m kind of flattered you wanted to take my picture, but so far, none of it means you’re gay. Is there more?”
With this he blushed even deeper and I could see fear in his eyes. Quite a few moments later he composed himself and started talking again.
“Um, before, you talked about what you did with your friend. You know jerking off together, well, I haven’t really done that, well, sorta, um, oh man this is embarrassing, ”
I cut him off, “You don’t have to tell me.”
“Oh, but I want to, and I think I need to, but, that picture of you I took… um, when I do what you said before, I look at that picture. I look at it and think of what it would be like to do more stuff with you. I sorta had a girlfriend before but I never really felt right with her. It’s just confusing.”
“I can understand that, but so far it doesn’t mean you’re gay.”
“Dude… Oh man, I don’t remember your name.”
“That’s because you never asked it, my name is Matt.”
“OK, Cool… Matt, I don’t think of having sex with girls. All of my thoughts about sex are with guys, and mostly older guys. Is that weird?”
“Absolutely not. Remember when I told you about my friend and what we did and how he responded?” He nodded at me to tell me he remembered. “Well, I was hurt, more in my heart than physically. After that, I met a man. I mean an older man. He was like 50. I was just sitting in a park, crying my eyes out and he came over to see if everything was okay. I told him what had happened, I just sensed he was going to understand what I was going to tell him, and he looked at me with tears in his eyes. He was saying, ‘Oh you poor boy, nobody should have to go through that’ I don’t know what happened to me but I flung toward him and wrapped my arms around him and cried my eyes out. He just held me and let me get it out. He and I had a lot of talks over the next year or so and we became good friends. Am I boring you?”
“Oh, no, continue, please!” He looked like he was hanging on every word. I was beginning to fear that he thinks he’s in love with me. I decided I needed to defuse it, or at least try to.
“Well, over time, we became very close. I came to care a great deal about him and I believed he cared about me. One day about six months later, I asked him something. I asked him if we could have sex. I was only 13 almost 14 and I was asking some guy who was old enough to be my granddad to have sex. He simply smiled. He put his arms around me and told me he was flattered, but he wouldn’t be comfortable with it. He told me that he wasn’t rejecting me outright, but he wasn’t ready to take that step. It hurt, but I loved him enough to respect his wishes. He told me one time later that if it’s not right for both it’s not right for either.”
Devon didn’t say anything, he simply leaped at me and hugged me for all he was worth. “Thanks, Matt. I feel a lot better, but can we talk again about this sometime?”
“Anytime you like.”
With that he took the remote and opened the deck back up, and, he pleasantly surprised me by remembering to turn off the A/C. “Do you have to go?” I asked.
“No, but it’s a nice day and I think it’s great that two friends can sit and enjoy it together. He smiled and so did I.
We sat like that for a long while, neither saying a word. I was thinking how I had formed what I hoped would be a positive friendship with Devon, he had other plans.
Coming Soon — Chapter 3 — Devon